Everything would have been fine if we lived in the same town/state/country, is the common reason many men and women give for a long-distance relationship not working out.
I've met many men and women who won't even try long distance relationships because according to them "Long distance relationships just don't work".
That simply isn't true! Long distance relationships CAN and DO work if the two individuals involved want it to.
In my opinion, the question is not Do long distance relationships work?
But rather Do both of you want to make it work?
If you both want to make it work, the distance is just another obstacle that two people who truly love each other can easily overcome if they really want to.
These simple to follow tips will help your long distance relationship not only survive the distance, they will also help you lay a strong foundation for a relationship that is fun, fulfilling, and successful!
1. Communication is Key
Technology has made it easier than ever to keep in touch long distance.
A few quick emails, text messages, and phone calls at least once a day (or even once a week) create a sense of being fully engaged in each other's lives.
Your relationship success depends on you being connected, so set aside uninterrupted talk-time to catch up on each other's lives.
If the other person can't make time for even a 10 minutes' conversation but has time to go out with friends, go to a party, go to the gym, cook, or even sleep, get a clue, that person isn't into you as you want to think.
If the other person is truly interested in you, he shows all signs of not only wanting to continue the relationship but to move closer.
And if he truly loves you that much, he'll not only create the time for you, he'll put talking to you top most priority on his list of things to do.
You on the other hand have to be realistic and not try to suck up all his time because you're dripping with neediness.
2. Cultivate Independent But Interdependent Lives
The time between calls and in-person reunions can be pure torture if you're spending all your time apart obsessing about the other person.
You may find that you've put everything on hold to the point that no one else and nothing else is important or meaningful in life except being with him.
You're consumed with constantly trying to test his love for you; doing things to try to make him need you, telling him about your other admirers etc.
If he doesn't call or email you when you expect him to, you feel restlessness, rejected and unwanted.
Some people become so needy that the other person just shuts down emotionally.
Instead of wasting so much time and emotions acting all clingy, needy, and controlling, use the distance to develop and grow as an individual with your own independent life and who enjoys your own company.
You will feel more positively about distance when you feel positive about yourself, the other person, the relationship and life in general.
A positive outlook is very important to the success of a LDR.
3. Let Go of Fear of Abandonment Or Loss
Distance has a way of playing up the anxiety and fear of the unknown.
You miss him so much that you start imagining him cheating on you even when deep down you know that he is not the cheating type.
Even when he has given you no reason to think that he might cheat, you tell yourself, You just never know or Don't be a fool!
If you are not fully prepared to trust your man, you have no business being in a long distance relationship because in LDRs, trust is everything.
Without trust, there is little point in having the relationship.
Without trust sustaining a long-distance relationship is impossible.
Discuss your anxiety and fears with him and once you get the reassurance you need, let it go.
Truth is, if he wants to cheat, he will and there is nothing you can do about it.
Give your mind some rest and concentrate on building a strong foundation for your relationship.
It also helps for you to make extra efforts to be reliable, to do what you say you are going to do and to show that you're trustworthy. Trust cuts both ways!
4. Keep That Sense of Fun and Romance Alive
One of the most difficult things about long distance relationships is that you can't just turn to your man or woman and say let's go for a walk in the park, or just drop in and ask him or her out for a drink.
In the absence of these seemingly insignificant shared moments that most people in proximity relationships take for granted, it's easy for two people to become so stuck in the waiting, and the future, that they completely forget about now.
The relationship slowly loses its spark and eventually fades out.
To avoid this, try as much as possible to go out on virtual dates.
For example, decide to go watch the latest movie on the same day and then later call the other to share experiences, thoughts, and opinions.
Better yet, if time zones allow and if it's cost effective, rent a movie and watch it together with the other person on the phone.
You can also play cards or games over the internet etc.
And don't forget to flirt, seduce, and tell him just how much he means to you and how much you love him.
The important thing is to take the necessary steps to keep the sense of fun, shared interests, romance, and passion alive.
5. Focus on What You Love and Appreciate in Your Partner
Over a period of time, there is always the temptation to begin taking each other for granted.
Sometimes we get so busy trying to impress everyone else in our lives, we forget to save our best energy for the person who we have chosen to share a life with.
Refrain from picking on your partner, and instead focus on what he or she does well. Tell your partner what you respect and admire in him.
Focus on more of what you love about your partner, not on what you don't like.
Take the time, in your thoughts, words, and actions, to be appreciative of the other person and watch how your relationship improves.
6. Always Remember To Say I Love You Every Day
This is a sweet way of showing your partner that you love him irrespective of any situation.
Tell him I love you every time you wake up in the morning and when you want to go to sleep in the night.
Even if you are angry, always express your love towards your partner.
Dropping love notes around so that your partner will find them.
This is something you can do for zero dollars that will majorly help your love life.
Don't write long drawn out letters, just a line or two with a heart drawn at the bottom.
Leave these notes in obvious and not so obvious places.
Some will be found immediately, others will be found when your partner is feeling down and needs that special pick me up. This is a way of saying I love you.
Get the redial ready on your phone. This is another way of telling them you love them might burn up some cell-phone minutes.
Most people have a certain station that they enjoy listening to most of the time.
Most couples have a few certain songs that they really connect with.
During a time when you know your partner is listening to the radio, get on the phone and make a request to the DJ to play a song and to mention his name.
This will blow his mind (ladies, you can do this for your guy to blow his mind!). This is a way of saying I love you.
Although these ways are definitely silly they will get the point across in a way that is different and unique.
You will be remembered long after for your creativity and desire to make them happy.
I am convinced you can never love a good partner enough.
They will always turn around and give you more back than you could ever offer them.
So look at each thing as in investment, one that pays in great returns.
There will be times when it seems like the other person is not bothered by the distance, he’s happy that you're apart or he’s having more fun.
This makes you feel like you are the only one who cares.
So instead of trying to understand what's causing him to act that way, be supportive of whatever they're going through and encouraging of his efforts given what the two of you have to deal with, you start instructing, coaching, and scolding the other person for not caring about you or the relationship.
Eventually all conversations become about how the relationship is neither right nor going anywhere.
And true enough, you find yourselves living down to your own expectations.
It's hard enough to have a long distance relationship without the constant nagging, instructing, coaching, and scolding of someone who consistently treats the relationship as a one person's property or business.
Use that excess energy to create a supportive environment that fosters understanding, reassurance, and cooperation.
Sometimes all you need to do is listen. Don't judge and don't try to fix. Just listen.
You can also bounce ideas off him, etc. Work as allies with the same goal.
8. Honesty is The Best Policy
The path to true intimacy and connection especially in a long distance relationship is through total honesty to each other in the fullest sense of the words.
By being authentic and telling your full truth to your loved one about your thoughts, feelings, needs, wants, issues, boundaries, etc.
You are gradually building up a zone of confidence and comfort for both of you.
This is very essential if you want your relationship to really last.
Seeking to avoid conflict and maintain harmony by censoring yourself can work for a while but it won't take much time until your suppressed truth comes out in other ways, such as withdrawal, resentment, acting out, etc.
I know, sometimes, telling your whole truth can be difficult and even scary, but it will result in the kind of relationship that you really want, a relationship where all the cards are laid in the table.
9. Always Be Transparent
Transparency in relationship communications is being completely open and honest with your partner, and giving them the information they need to feel safe and comfortable in the context of your relationship.
Transparency is all about helping to build trust in your relationship, and forging a strong foundation, so that no matter what comes in your life together, you know each other well enough (and trust each other enough) that you can rely on one another.
Transparency is critical to keeping lines of communication open and resolving doubts whenever they do crop up.
How to be transparent in your relationship
Most importantly, you must be open, respectful, and kind about your partner's fears, worries, doubts, and insecurities.
Even if you feel that your partner is a little too insecure at times, keep your love for him at the forefront of your thoughts and remember that there may come a time when you yourself have doubts and insecurities.
Do your best to respond with kindness, patience, and warmth, and answer whatever questions your partner may have.
You must also be upfront about things. If an old boyfriend or girlfriend calls you, tell your partner.
Be honest and explain the situation. Your goal is to ward off any potential misunderstandings by being upfront.
And, you want to avoid even the appearance of impropriety.
It's not enough just to be good, you have to look good, too.
Otherwise, you actually create fears and doubts solely out of appearances, rather than resolving them and building trust.
Our strategy of transparency isn't meant to be abused by overly-aggressive, overly-demanding, or overly-domineering partners.
This is intended to be utilized between two equal, reasonably healthy adults who understand that from time to time, we all have those little moments of insecurity.
Transparency isn't about demanding to know where your partner is or who he's with every single second, but rather about sharing, openness, and honesty, in the interests of forging trust for a long-lasting love.
10. The Value of Trust
Trust is a very fundamental aspect in any relationship.
That is because having trust in a relationship takes away doubt.
When you trust someone, you never have to question their motivation about anything and with mutual trust that relationship is solid.
You must learn to be true to the relationship and must never give way to insecurities, strange feelings, suspicions, and quick impulses because these will only bring your relationship down.
Don't push away negative comments, or advice. Just trust in yourself and your partner.
If you two are true to each other and have no hidden motives then you'll be alright. Remember, Love never fails.
11. Patience is a Virtue
Being in a long distance relationship requires being steadfast and persevering.
If you aren't this kind of person and you're involved in a long distance relationship, then as much as now, you better try to learn to be patient.
Focus your attention on all the positive aspects of the relationship and never give your hopes up.
Showing that you value your partner and the relationship and that you are willing to work patiently through it will let them know you truly love them.
With a clear understanding to learn to tolerate each other and have patience as the bedrock of the affair the relationship will last and last till death do us part.
Patience in relationships can be achieved even with the minimal of stress on the two people involved in the affair, all they need to do is work out their differences and correct every mistakes and errors that may occur or may want to surface overtime.
The idea of two couples shouting and harassing each other to the point of one lifting up his hands to hit at the other is not the ideal way to go about relationships, that also can be corrected if one of the parties involved is ready to bend for the other and say the magic word 'am sorry' that word can heal a lot of wounds and make homes that are already cracking to be mended.
Go out there and heal your relationship with a little patience.
12. Enjoy Life
Not because your loved one is away, it doesn't mean that your life is taken away with him as he sets on for greener pastures.
You have your own life to live and you must live it up to the purpose you were created for, with or without your loved one.
Anyway, we have our family and friends.
What are these social beings surrounding us created for anyway?
Remember, there are definite hardships associated with this relationship style but it is important that those who thrive in a long distance relationship see the suffering, difficulties, distance, and time as tools in cultivating their love and rearing up the maturity in their relationship.
The best you can do is to strive to be the best of who you are as a person while your partner is away so that when he comes back to you, you are already a full-grown individual whom he will love even more and be more proud of more than ever!
For now, just be happy in knowing that across the miles there is someone who thinks you are so special, they are willing to engage in a terrible thing such as a long-distance relationship.
Keep in mind that your suffering is not forever since your loved one will be back soon and when that time comes, everything will be much sweeter than it was back then.
13. Always Have Plans For The Next In-person Reunion
Just knowing when you'll see each other again makes it easier to handle long-distance relationships.
Make the planning and preparing for the reunion a joint project. Share your thoughts and dreams of your reunion on a regular basis.
This can make your coming together much more exciting, meaningful, and special.
Be careful, though. Don't let expectations of how fantastic your reunion is going to be built too high as the reality often doesn't match up to the fantasy.
Expect there to be awkward silences, many down times and even arguments. It's a relationship not a fantasy!
14. Make Plans For One of You To Move
Someone must move at some point in order to keep the relationship together.
If you're both eager to stay together, then set a date for getting together, either moving in or, at least, living in the same town and dating.
However, if it's a new relationship or a relationship on shaky grounds hold off the future together talk until you both feel that the relationship has matured, is more stable or until the other person is ready.
If the other person is not ready, it doesn't matter how much you want it, it's never going to happen.
The "I am not going to wait forever" may just become "It's over"
15. Ignore People Who Say Long Distance Relationships Don't Work
It's not easy and there are no guarantees, same as in all relationships.
But don't run away from your long-distance relationship because everyone says Long distance relationships don't and won't work.
Long distance relationships have worked and can work for you if you are willing to do the hard work.
If you're both emotionally mature enough and are devoted enough, distance can teach both of you to exercise deeper connections and provide for an objective and honest assessment of your feelings for each other.
Distance can also encourage a stronger foundation for the development of your relationship.
At a time when careers increasingly demand greater mobility, long-distance relationships are not only a very attractive option, they may very well be the future.
Not even distance can stop true love!
Related Articles
His Secret Obsession: A Comprehensive Relationship Guide
How to make Your Man want You more than Ever - In 8 Easy Steps
0 Comments